You Know What They Say About Hope
by PLLHalebSpoby
Summary: AU. Sequel to "Eternal Misery." Pregnant and scared to death, Spencer, along with Toby and her friends, struggle to find peace and quiet, alongside a never-ending college schedule, and A's ever impending attacks. Will the stakes be higher now that A might have a new target?
1. Chapter 1

**You Know What They Say About Hope**

_Month One_

Pregnant.

_Her?_

The word held such a monumental responsibility, one that nineteen-year-old Spencer Hastings wasn't sure she was even ready to _fathom_.

A hunch had started all this.

Having been a scheduled person her entire life, it was no surprise that her periods also happened to be on schedule, and when her latest period was two weeks late, she knew that something had to be up.

Pacing through the drugstore, trying to ignore the prying, watchful eyes of the people she had known her entire life, and who were now gossiping behind her back, she paid for one three different tests, and went home.

Peeing on a stick should have been no big deal, but when she was peeing on it to either confirm or deny a pregnancy, the stress it presented, went up several notches.

When the first words _pregnant_, flashed across the simple gray screen, her entire body went into a numb sort of shock, as she sat back down on the toilet, her hands trembling uncontrollably.

There were no physical symptoms of the pregnancy-at least not yet. Her breasts were tender, more swollen than usual, and her jeans felt tighter, but her gut was still flat.

She knew she needed to see a doctor, but there was no way she could do that without first telling Toby, and the next time they would be together would be at her birthday party that night.

The girls were picking her up any second. Even though she wanted to clue them in on what was happening, she wanted to tell Toby first, so she unhung her dress from the hook, slipped it on, tied on a pair of high heels, and went outside to wait for them.

* * *

The party had gone off without a hitch. Hanna, of course, had gone all out for the party, and had stuck countless beer bottles in Spencer's face, but she had refused them all.

It wasn't too strange.

She couldn't remember the last time she had _really _had a drink, unless you counted her shockingly bad judgment in getting smashed, and she had ended up in Wren's apartment the next morning.

It soon became too much. The attention, the cake, the heart-pounding music. She needed to get away, at least until she could find Toby and they could have the conversation that would either make or break their relationship.

Her opportunity came, to her relief, soon after when they both found themselves well removed from the party, and on the dock that bordered her family's property.

His arm wrapped securely around her small frame, her safe harbor, and her body leaned protectively against his, warning away any creatures human or animal that dared come near them.

"Nice party," Toby whispered, his breath tickling the hairs near her ear.

"Hanna loves to plan," she mused, allowing a small smile to grace her mouth.

"Hmm."

It was now or never, and she knew that. "I have to tell you something," she began, nervously pulling away from him, and beginning to play with her hair, a nervous habit she had developed when she was young.

"What is it?"

Heart hammering painfully in her ribcage, she paused to take a deep breath, the only source of comfort she had in that moment, as she looked into his loving, trusting blue eyes.

"I'm pre-"

She faltered, unable to say the words.

"Spence?"

"I'm pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer wasn't sure how long they sat together on the dock, after she had dropped her bombshell. All she remembered, were his strong, unbreakable arms as they encircled her protectively.

They had talked about the baby, their future as a family. He had asked when it had happened, when she had conceived their baby. It had been the weekend they had gone to New York to drop her things off at NYU.

So many things to go over, too many in one night. After awhile of sitting peacefully, they decided to reenter the craziness of the party, and bid their guests farewell.

It had been a relief to retreat to the sanctuary of the loft. The scene of countless romantic dinners, goofy game and move nights, and the place where her heart was permanently and irrevocably sewn.

She hadn't told the girls anything, not even her parents. This was a sacred secret, one that she intended on keeping until she was assured that her baby was safe, healthy and that what the pregnancy test had told her, was _really _true.

"Are you okay?"

She wasn't even sure how to answer that question, as she tapped her boot on the generic carpeting of the doctor's office. Finally cracking, she had made the appointment to get herself checked.

"Yeah," she finally said, feeling her way along the hard chair, and finally finding Toby's hand. "I am."

It was exciting, it was terrifying, but she found her source of comfort in the promise of his love and support, which she found in his blue oceans.

"Spence, you don't have to pretend-" he began.

"No," she interjected. "I _really _am okay."

He nodded, though it was obvious from the sidelong glance he gave her, that he didn't entirely believe her, as he went to flipping mindlessly through the sports magazine he had found on the rack.

Her legs felt like Jell-O when their name was finally called. Walking with the support of his arm cradling the small of her back, she allowed them to be escorted into the plain examination room.

On the walls, personal family portraits were shown, along with children's artwork and silly quotes and sayings from decades old authors.

For Spencer, she wanted to get the show on the road. She was anxious to find out if her baby was okay, if there was even a baby to be concerned about.

When the doctor came in, introduced himself and began the very personal examination, Spencer tried not to feel violated, as she grasped Toby's hand for strength.

"This jell is going to be cold," he warned, before squeezing some onto her exposed, flat stomach. It _was _cold, but that paled in comparison to the pounding of her heart, and what she was feeling.

"Do you see anything?" She asked, looking at the ultrasound screen with her inexperienced eyes.

"I do," he said, sparing them a glance, a small smile on his face. "These are some of the organs, some of the bones that are forming."

"Wow," Toby whispering, completely captivated on the screen, as he looked at Spencer for her reaction.

She was speechless, as she wiped stray tears from her eyes. It was her baby, their baby, something that hadn't been planned, but had been created out of the deepest love and devotion.

"How long?" Spencer asked, finally finding her voice. "How far along?"

"Not long. My estimation would be about five weeks."

"Wow," Spencer whispered, shaking her head in astonishment. "_We _created that," she said, looking at Toby. "We did that."

Toby nodded, before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."


	3. Chapter 3

The morning sickness appeared soon after, in the middle of the night. Spencer had been sleeping peacefully, her head finding its pillow on Toby's willing chest, when the sudden urge to purge her stomach, reared its ugly head.

Moving faster than was probably normal, especially considering she was half-asleep, Spencer made a mad dash to the conjoined bathroom, almost tripping over her pajama leg in the process.

The act of vomiting had always been appalling to her, and it was no different now, as she crouched on her knees on the tile floor, hair pulled back with one, shaky hand.

After the first round of vomiting was complete, she sat with her chin pressed against the cool toilet, weighing her options of getting in the tub to soak, versus the other, more pressing matter of if more vomit would appear or not.

Her question was answered for her, when a fresh round of it made their appearance. Sweaty, shaken, and exhausted, she was just about to make a bed for herself on the floor, when the door burst open.

"How long have you been in here?" Toby asked, quickly assessing the situation, as he bent down on his knees to help her to a more comfortable position.

"About half an hour," she whimpered, raising her hand to wipe the stray tears away. "I'm miserable, Toby."

Even though she had slowly gotten used to the idea of another little human being growing inside of her, she hadn't had time to get used to the unwanted affects of pregnancy.

"I know, I know," he said softly, before reaching up and wetting a small towel, and placing it on the back of her neck. "Do you feel like you can go back to bed?"

"If you get me a pan, maybe."

It wasn't an easy task, not by a long shot, to get back up and crawl back to bed. Toby had gotten the pan, and had placed it right next to her on the bed, in case of any further incidents.

"Try to go back to sleep," he murmured, lifting his hand and putting it under her clammy back. "Just try to go back to sleep, Spence."

She nodded obediently, closing her eyes as the feel of his hand on her skin, instantly calmed her, enabling her to finally relax.

When sleep finally overcame her, it was a blessed relief. She had spent the better part of the night throwing up, losing precious sleep in the process.

When morning came, along with the realization that she had to say something to her parents about her pregnancy, it was with great reluctance that she slid out of bed, rooted through her laundry basket of clothes, and selected an outfit.

"You're not going to tell the president," Toby remarked dryly, when he saw Spencer squeeze into a white blouse and a matching, patterned skirt.

Spencer turned to him, rolling her eyes. "I might as well be."

Even though her relationship with her mother had been improving over time, she still dreaded telling her about the pregnancy, especially when they brought her father into the equation.

Her father still hadn't forgiven Toby for a lot of things, and that included when he had left, and Spencer had been sent to Radley as a result.

"Your parents will be _fine_," he assured her. "They'll understand."

"In your world, maybe."

He didn't known them as well as she did. She had been subjected to nineteen years of them drilling into her head _and _her sister's, that perfection was important, that perfection and perfect grades would get you far in life.

There was no room for tardiness or bad reputations in the perfect world of the Hastings.

It was a hard legacy to live by, especially when her brain ran in different directions than her family's. Telling her parents that she was pregnant at nineteen, out of wedlock, and right before she was due to start college, was equivalent to confessing to a murder.

"Let's just get it over with," he said firmly, squeezing her hand in comfort, as they made their way to the car, or their funeral.

* * *

The house was silent when they pulled up. Maybe they had caught a lucky break and her parents weren't home.

"Mom? Dad?"

"Hi, honey," her mother said, walking in from the other room, already dressed in her work clothes, as she faced her daughter and her boyfriend.

"Mom, we," she cleared her throat, "Toby and I have something to tell you."

The smile that her mother had been wearing previously, dropped from her face as she studied them both. "What is it?"

Spencer took a deep breath, figuring that tactless excuses and foreplay was pointless. "We're pregnant."

"You-you're-"

"It's true," Toby said.

"When?"

"After he took me to New York to drop off my things."

"Are you going to take care of it?"

"Take...care...of it?"

"Spencer, being a teenage mother isn't something that your father and I want to see happen to you. There are other ways of fixing this problem."

Spencer felt a cold chill run down her spine at her mother's callous words. "What are you suggesting?" She demanded.

"Adoption-"

"No."

"Your father and I have handled these kinds of cases before, and-"

"This is _our _baby," Spencer shot back, "we're keeping it."

Veronica sighed, as if her daughter was being unreasonable. "There are _open _adoptions, you can still see the baby, both of you."

"No. I knew we never should have told you," Spencer said, shaking her head at her own foolishness. "I knew it was a mistake to come here."

"You obviously know me a lot better than I know you," Veronica said. "What about school?"

"I'll still go. I'm just going to have to do online courses for right now."

Her mother's nostrils flared, as if readying for battle, but with a resigned sigh, she nodded. "Fine, but I don't want to hear it when you come and say that you can't handle the stress, because you _won't._"

"We'll see."


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer's confrontation with her mother, had left her feeling hurt, angry and above all, feeling protective of herself and the being growing inside her. It chilled her to realize that her mother, given the same set of circumstances, would have given her and Melissa up if it had happened in the wrong timing.

"Stress isn't good for the baby," Spencer said.

She was lying flat on her back on the love seat in the loft, reading, with difficulty due to her position, a baby book that she had picked up at the bookstore.

"It's kind of hard to avoid it," Toby mused from the kitchen. He was making her her favorite fruit smoothie.

"I know, but we can be more proactive about it, avoiding scenarios that cause it."

"True. Have you told the girls yet?"

"Not yet, I'm going to, though."

Compared to telling her parents, telling her friends would be a piece of cake. Her friends would be more supportive, maybe afraid for her, but they would be on her side.

"You better do it before your Mom gets to them."

"I still can't believe she reacted like that," Spencer said with a scoff. "We've been doing so well, and then she turns on me like that."

"Welcome to the club."

If anyone knew what it felt like to have a parent turn on them, it was Toby, who lost his father to his stepmother after his mother died. Things had never been the same, and he doubted it would ever change.

"Maybe I should talk to her?"

"No," Toby shook his head, as he laid her smoothie down on the coffee table. "Enjoy your smoothie for right now. Worry about all of _that _later."

"Okay," she said with a pout. "Thank you."

Sitting up straighter, and setting aside her book, she eagerly reached for her drink, taking a satisfying gulp from it.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes, thank you."

Making room for him, she scooted over so he could sit beside her, before wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

* * *

Meeting at their usual meeting place of the Brew, the four friends chose their private seating area at the back, that gave them optimal privacy, but allowed them easy viewing access to the rest of the place.

"You've been MIA since your party," Aria said, touching Spencer's knee. "Have you been okay?"

Spencer nodded, cradling her bottle of flavored water. She had opted out of her usual caffeinated beverage in favor of healthier (for the baby) water. "Just busy, you know."

"Getting ready for college?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, and something else."

"What?" Hanna asked.

Spencer took a deep breath as she unscrewed the cap on her water bottle, and took a satisfying pull from it. "I found out something. About me."

"What?" Aria asked, exchanging glances with the two other girls, who looked equally nonplussed.

"I'm pregnant."

Silence hung over the air following her announcement, as her friends stared at her, trying to figure out if she was joking or if she was serious.

"Really?" Emily asked. "You're-"

"Pregnant," Spencer sighed. "Yeah."

"Are you sure?" Aria asked.

"Yeah, it could just be a hamburger or something," Hanna said.

"No," Spencer shook her head. "I went to the doctor. It's real."

"What are you going to do?" Aria asked. "Are you going to keep it?"

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"What has Toby said about it?" Emily asked.

"He's excited. He went to my appointment with me."

Spencer had been right; telling the girls had been much easier than telling her parents, less stressful and less upsetting than telling them.

When she climbed the metal steps to the loft, the first thing she saw, was a handwritten note on the door addressed to her. Eyebrows fusing together in confusion, she opened the envelope once she had gotten safely inside.

A picture of an ultrasound dropped out, along with the message: _I even have my hands on your baby-A _


	5. Chapter 5

A's note had scared Spencer, far more than A had ever managed to scare her previously. The stakes were higher now. It wasn't just about her anymore, or even Toby, it was about her baby, their beautiful baby that they had created.

And A had threatened their baby.

The ultrasound picture hadn't been real, something they had gotten out of a magazine or stolen from someone, but the message had been loud and clear, the threat all too real for her to relax.

Pacing, waiting for Toby to come home, had been pointless. Biting her knuckles until they were raw, also wasn't helpful.

Finally, she settled on calling on her friends to come over and ease her fears. With how ruthless A could be, she knew her fears weren't entirely without merit.

"Thanks for coming, you guys," she said, settling back on the couch with them as they passed around chips and other snack food.

"Yeah, no problem," Aria said, "how's the baby?"

"Good. We had the first ultrasound."

Digging in her purse, she produced the first official 3D sonogram of the baby, and passed it around. Emily was the first one to receive it, she glanced at it, her soft eyes filling with tears of joy, before passing it to the other girls.

"Aww," Hanna said, "she looks like a little Cavanaugh already."

Spencer's eyebrows twitched in curiosity. "She?"

"Yeah," Hanna shrugged. "It's a girl."

"How do you know that?" Aria asked.

"Because of my awesome psychic powers."

Spencer laughed, shaking her head. "I'm glad I could share it with you guys."

"What about your parents?" Emily asked, pulling a worn old blanket over her lap.

"My Mom hates me again," Spencer sighed, "she thinks I should put the baby up for adoption."

Hanna scoffed. "That's ridiculous. I mean, yeah, for some people that's logical, but you guys can handle it."

"And we _want _to handle it," Spencer said, "we're adults, we can handle this."

If there was one thing she was sure about, it was her love for the small being growing inside of her, and the thought of giving her away to some stranger, was absolutely revolting to her.

The idea of telling Toby about A's message, wasn't appealing to her in the least, as she put their dinner in the oven, healthy and organic for the baby.

She was trying to distract herself by doing mundane tasks around the house, anything to distract her from the task ahead.

They had made a promise to never lie to each other again, and that even meant over big things.

"Hey," Toby said, walking into the open living and kitchen space. "How was everything?"

"It was good," Spencer said, taking off her oven mitts and throwing them on the counter. "How was work?"

"Good, it was good."

"The girls came over today," she said, trying to shift into the topic, as she walked around the counter to meet him.

"How are they?"

"Good," she said, hooking her fingers through his belt, pulling him closer.

"Anything else going on?" He asked, perhaps sensing a shift in her attitude.

She sighed, removing her hands from his as she looked down. "Yeah," she admitted quietly, getting the A picture and holding it out for him. "This came."

Toby took the picture, looking down at it, his features rapidly changing from relaxed, to anger in about five seconds as he looked back at her. "When did this come?"

"This afternoon, when I got home."


	6. Chapter 6

_Month Two_

Yoga trained the nerves, trained the mind to be at peace with the body, and above all, gave the body a kind of exercise that couldn't be compared.

After consulting the literature and her doctor, who advised her that most women did some form of prenatal exercise during their pregnancy, and most of it was something soothing like yoga or water exercise.

In her second month, her stomach was still flat, rounder, but still flat, and the jeans she favored, were tighter than usual. Her yoga pants, luckily, were more stretchier and could accommodate her changing weight and stature.

"Thanks for coming with me, Em," Spencer said, smiling gratefully at her friend, as they sat on their individual yoga mats at the afternoon class session.

"What are friends for?"

Their yoga instructor was hot, and if Spencer wasn't already in a committed relationship, she would have found him to be very attractive, but instead, she bowed her head and got into one of the first positions he told her to.

"Now, focus the mind," the instructor said, putting on some zen music. "And visualize the thing that most calms you."

Visualizing islands, ones that she and Toby could be on together, and visualizing a successful delivery, and future for her family, was what drove her mind into serenity as she lost track of everything, but the instructor's voice.

"Calmly shift into mountain pose."

"This is the easiest one," Emily stage-whispered to Spencer, as she shifted her body into the required pose.

"Easy for you to say, skinny minny," Spencer shot back. "Can you imagine Toby doing any of these?"

"No," Emily laughed, but immediately stopped when the instructor shot them a look where they stood in the back of the class.

"This is good, right?"

"For the baby, yeah, but for my brain?"

"Good point," Spencer groaned, gratefully dropping to the floor when the instructor called a break. "I can't believe my doctor thinks this is _good_. I mean, I feel relaxed, but my muscles are sore."

"Has A sent you anymore notes?"

Spencer shook her head, pursing her lips into a thin line. "No, not yet at least. It's a ticking time bomb."

Truer words were never spoken, especially where their lives were concerned and the constantly shifting directions their lives had gone.

Each moment was unpredictable.

Once the class had, gratefully, been dismissed, Spencer, rubbing her sore back and Emily, rubbing her sore calves, left the building.

It never failed to shock Spencer when she placed her legs in the embarrassing stirrups in the doctor's office, for the doctor to examine her.

So far her visits had been spread out, but now the doctor wanted them once every month, but she didn't complain, any chance she got to see the baby, was well worth it.

"The heartbeat is strong," he assured her, once he had put the freezing gel on her stomach, and was moving the wand around her abdomen. "Can you hear it?"

When Spencer and Toby strained their ears, they could hear the faint sounds of their baby's heartbeat, fast and strong. It was magical, something that couldn't be described or felt by anyone but the lucky parents.

"Yeah," Spencer gasped, shaking her head. "It's like she's talking to us."

Ever since Hanna had predicted the baby would be a girl, Spencer had been taken with that idea and had been consulting baby name books, looking for the perfect name for their little angel.

The doctor smiled, nodding at her statement. "Some parents do, in fact, agree that their baby communicates from the womb."

"She's beautiful," Toby said, squeezing Spencer's hand.

"Her nose is just starting to form, and some of her vertebrae."

Spencer nodded, she was already well-versed on the subject, having devoured as many baby books as she could.

"Is everything healthy?" Toby asked.

"Yes."

They were both feeling on cloud nine as they walked out of the doctor's office hand-in-hand, sonogram pictures safely tucked into their pockets.

"Who do you think she looks like?" Spencer asked, as they drove down the street.

"You," Toby said without hesitation. "She'll have your looks, your brain."

"No," Spencer disagreed. "She'll have _your _looks and my brain."

They were distracted from further bantering, when Spencer's cell phone went off, glancing at the screen momentarily, she felt most of the color in her face drain.

"What is it?"

"Hanna's Mom. She's in jail."


	7. Chapter 7

Hanna was at her house, along with Emily and Aria when Spencer and Toby arrived. Her usually made up eyes, were now tear and makeup smudged, and her clothes hung loosely over her shoulders, as she shakily accepted the hug that Aria was giving her.

"Hey, Han," Spencer said, as they walked into the kitchen. "How are you?"

"Peachy," she said sarcastically, running her arm unceremoniously across her nose. "Just fine. I finally got my Dad to lay off for awhile."

"Where is he?"

"He went to check on Kate and Isobel," Hanna said with a scoff. "Whatever, at least I got five minutes to myself."

"Hanna," Toby said, taking a seat across from her. "Why did they arrest her?"

"Something about the ballistics evidence matching her fingerprints"

Spencer had never seen Hanna look so hopeless in her entire life. Even when Alison had first gone missing, Hanna, with her usual upbeat manner, had assured them all that she had probably been playing some joke on them.

This was no joke.

Even without lawyers for parents, Spencer knew that kind of evidence could be strong enough to put Ashley away for a long, long time.

"What is she being charged with exactly?"

"Murder, first degree." For the first time, Hanna looked up and met Spencer's gaze. "I called your Mom, Spence, is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course."

She wasn't about to let her fight with her mother interfere with getting a good defense for Hanna's mother.

"I just don't understand," Hanna cried, "she didn't do anything!"

"Hanna," Toby said, leaning foreword in his seat, and taking both of Hanna's hands in his. "I promise you that we will find a way to get your mother out."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep," she said, shaking her head.

"I _do _promise this, and I intend to keep it. We'll see what we can find out, okay?"

"Okay," she sniffled. "Thanks," she added, smiling gratefully.

Spencer and Toby stayed until Caleb arrived. She had calmed down after her talk with Toby, and had refocused her attention on getting her mother out of jail.

"What are we going to do?" Spencer wondered, as she joined Toby in the bedroom, stripping down to nothing but her undershirt and short shorts.

"I can probably hack into the police database tomorrow and see what kind of evidence they have."

"You know how to do that?"

Toby nodded. "Mona taught me well."

"Apparently."

Stifling a yawn, she crawled into bed beside him, cushioning her head on his arm as he went through a familiar nightly ritual of blessing her body with kisses, beginning on her lips and finally ending on her expanding belly.

"Goodnight, baby," he whispered, before kissing her navel.

Spencer couldn't contain the sleepy smile on her face. "You're going to make such a great daddy," she whispered.

"You're going to make such a great _mommy_," he contradicted.

It was terrifying, but it was a challenge that she was convinced they were both ready for. They had six more months to get used to the idea of it, and already, she had ordered and pre-ordered every baby book in existence.

Cuddling into his arms, she laid her head against his chest, breathing in the scent of his cheap cologne, and the mingled smell of his shampoo.

"I love you, daddy."

Even in the darkened room, she could still make out his beautiful lips as they curved into a smile. "I love you, too, Mommy."


	8. Chapter 8

Spencer tried to sleep, she honestly did. But every time she closed her eyes, images of Hanna's face haunted her, as well as the new reality that A had gotten their hooks in them again, this time with one of their parents.

Pacing quickly became her friend as she tried to do _something _to occupy her mind, finally caving when her eyelids became too heavy to function properly, and she gratefully slid back into bed with her love.

When the first rays of dawn broke out over their backs, she groaned, not ready to face whatever reality would be waiting for them when they woke up together.

She knew that their first order of business would be to hack into the Rosewood PD's database and see if they could find any shred of evidence that would exonerate Hanna's mother.

It wouldn't be an easy task. Their server would have twice the usual amount of security than a normal computer, and would have tons of encrypted files that they would have to sort through.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Spencer asked, eyeing Caleb doubtfully as his fingers expertly flew across the keyboard.

"Positive."

She didn't doubt it. He had hacked into other things before, even tutoring Hanna in how to hack into _his _firewall from the confines of the police department.

Standing back with Toby, she watched, his spine haunched over the laptop as he typed, the crease between his brows growing deeper as he clicked on different things.

"It says that the gun that killed Wilden," Caleb said, turning the chair around to face them, "had a certain amount of bullets inside, and the ones they were able to recover, had her fingerprints on them."

"How can A do that without framing themselves?"

Caleb's face said it all.

"Where was she the night of the murder?" Toby asked, leaning over the computer to further study it.

"All it says is that they have the bullet that killed him, and they have shoe prints that may match hers. They still have to run it through, though."

Spencer sighed, shaking her head. "Meanwhile she sits in a cell?"

"Yeah."

Spencer knew from personal experience what that felt like to have a loved one sit and rot for something they hadn't done. Barely a year ago, Toby had been the one to be locked up and charged for a crime he hadn't committed.

They had survived.

But it hadn't been a murder charge that Toby had been facing. The stakes were infinitely higher for Ashley now that she had a first degree murder charge hanging over her head.

"Could A _really _have done this?" Spencer asked.

"It looks like it," Caleb sighed.

"Do you think she did it?" Toby asked.

"No," Caleb said, "I used to think it, but now I don't."

All afternoon, Spencer had been feeling queasy, like the morning sickness that had plagued her the first several weeks of her pregnancy.

She had attributed it to stress-something that had been coming around in a steady stream for weeks, even before her pregnancy.

Not even bothering to mention it to Toby, they had their dinner, which tasted revolting to her, and retired to bed early.

Hoping that, perhaps, a good night's sleep would be warranted, she made sure her clothing was extra cozy, and wrapped herself in Toby's arms like usual.

She didn't remember what she dreamed, something about tigers and oceans, but when she was suddenly jolted out of her dreams, they faded as quickly as they had come.

Rubbing a hand across her eyes in confusion, she looked around in the pitch black, wondering what had awakened her from her deep slumber.

Everything _looked _okay. Everything _appeared _alright, but something felt _off_, and she knew it.

Throwing back the covers on a haunch, she was horrified with what she saw, as a silent scream built in her throat.

Blood, and lots of it.


	9. Chapter 9

A silent scream building in her throat, she looked over at Toby in a blind panic who was still sleeping peacefully, his back rising and falling gently as he slept. Fear and dread quickly forming inside her, she ripped back the covers and was horrified by what she saw:

Blood, and lots of it.

The thin white sheets under her, were soaked through with blood. _Her _blood, as well as her lacy white underwear. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she nearly fell over herself trying to make it to the bathroom in time.

Collapsing on the toilet, she could feel the blood still coming out of her without mercy. Ripping off her now destroyed underwear and pants, she could feel a cold sweat form on the back of her neck.

"TOBY!" She called, winding her arm around her middle with a death grip. "TOBY!"

This was out of her control, and she knew it. There was nothing she could do now except wait for help to find her, and get she and her baby the help that they desperately needed.

Within seconds, the door swung open. He stood there, silently assessing the situation before he swiftly crossed the distance between them, kneeling down in front of her and placing his hands on her knees.

"Spence, what happened?"

"I-I-I'm bleeding, Toby."

Her voice was shaking so hard she could hardly get the words out, but he seemed to understand. His face instantly morphing from a regular, even pallor to a pale white.

"What do you want me to do, Spence?"

His voice was deadly calm, a sign of how much he was trying to control his feelings.

He was painfully out of his element, but he was doing his best as she pointed at the cupboard under the sink where she kept her tampons and other personal feminine products.

"Get me a t-tampon, Toby, and some new underwear in my drawer."

"What about an ambulance?"

"You take me."

He rose to the challenge, handing her a tampon and some fresh underwear, before he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her waist. "Are you sure you want to go this way, Spence?"

"Yeah."

They didn't have the time to wait for an ambulance, and she knew it. Any number of things could be happening to her and her baby, and the longer they took getting there, the more serious the damage.

* * *

The car ride there was torturous. Each jolt, each bump the car went over, brought out even more blood flow. When she caught Toby's steady gaze, she could tell that he was trying to control the car as smoothly as he could, but there were only a certain number of things he could help.

"We're almost there, Spence," he promised, sparing her a glance as he pulled into the entrance to the ER.

"Thank you," she gasped.

"Wait here," he instructed, already halfway out of the car as he went into the hospital to get help.

While he was gone, her panic had only increased. Her breathing was coming out in short gasps as she clutched her abdomen, trying to calm herself was pointless.

"Spence," Toby said, opening her side of the car and moving aside so the nurses could reach her. "They're going to help you."

Keeping her eyes on Toby as they shifted her onto the stretcher, Spencer swallowed back the bile that was rising in her throat as they rushed her past the waiting room and back into the trauma center.

By some miracle, they allowed Toby to follow. His presence was the only thing keeping her calm, as they wheeled her into a room, and switched her to a bed.

"She's pregnant," Toby explained, "about three months."

It was the prime time to miscarry and everyone there knew that, and it wasn't far from Spencer's mind. She had researched everything known to man on pregnancy, and that was one of the first things the books talked about.

"Are you her husband?"

"No, her boyfriend."

The harsh lighting above her, was making her sick. She blindly reached out for Toby's hand, finding comfort when she felt his familiar pressure on her hand.

"What seems to be the problem?" An all too familiar British voice said.

"Female, nineteen, possible miscarriage-"

Beside her, Toby was incensed. "No," he interjected, pointing at Wren. "Get him out of here _now_."

"Calm down, mate, I'm the only one on call tonight. Set her up for an ultrasound and blood transfusion."

"Toby," Spencer said, "just forget it. Let him help me, please."

She was too exhausted to argue with him over it.

With a reluctant nod, Toby complied.

"How have you been, Spencer?" Wren asked, snapping on a pair of medical gloves as a technician wheeled in the portable ultrasound.

"Fine," she replied through gritted teeth.

"The gel might be a little chilly," he warned, before moving the wand around her stomach. "Your baby appears to be fine, Spencer."

Beside her, she could see Toby visibly sag in relief. Her own heart was doing backflips in joy. The baby was fine, and that was all that mattered to her. Anything else they could deal with.

"But I'm sorry," he said, "you lost the other fetus."

"What?"

It was Wren's turn to look uncomfortable, as he turned to face Spencer and Toby. "There were two, uh, fetuses. One never fully developed, and that's what caused the bleeding."

"But the other baby-"

"Is fine," Wren assured her.

It was a comfort more than what she had expected, but underneath her intangible joy, was a sadness that was almost too hard to contain as she looked at Toby speechless.

There had been two babies.

One they knew about, and one that had been a complete mystery to them.

One had developed, and one had never made it.

She had been carrying twins.


	10. Chapter 10

_Month Three_

"Spencer, breathe," Wren instructed.

In the space of a few minutes, her quiet astonishment at the loss of one of her babies, had morphed into a full-on panic attack. Her short gasps of breath had been replaced with hyperventilations, as she grasped the impersonal white hospital sheets with a steel-like force.

"I can't," she sobbed, shaking her head. "My baby is dead."

Twins had been the last thing she had expected, and the last reason she had for there being a problem with she and her surviving baby. The events of the last few hours had completely exhausted her, and her grief compounded with her tiredness, had all contributed with her feelings.

"_Spencer_," Wren said firmly, moving into her line of vision. "Breathe. In," he demonstrated. "Out."

Trying her best to copy what he was doing, she closed her eyes against the pounding headache she had. All she wanted was to be able to close her eyes, and forget everything that had happened.

"Toby," she cried, reaching for his hand. "Call my friends, okay?"

"I will," he promised, "you need to stay calm, okay? It's not good for our baby."

She nodded, practicing the deep breathing techniques Wren had taught her. When she grasped his hand, she distinctly saw Wren look away, before he regained his composure.

"The blood transfusion will only take a few minutes," Wren promised, as a team of nurses came in. "After that, we'll move you into a room for the night."

"Okay."

The transfusion went smoothly. Through it all, she clasped Toby's hand, never letting go of the sight of his face. After that, Wren gave her medication to stop the bleeding that he administered through her IV.

"The bleeding should stop fairly soon," he promised her.

"Thank you."

"I'll check on you in a few hours. I'm very sorry," he added, "about your baby."

"Thanks."

Once Spencer had been moved to her own room, she and Toby were finally allowed a few moments to themselves. He settled himself in the recliner chair by her bed, and she burrowed under the covers, trying to warm herself.

"We had two babies," she whispered, trying to come to terms with that fact. "We had two babies, two living, breathing babies."

"How could we not have known?" Toby asked, shaking his head.

"Sometimes one baby can hide," Spencer began, her voice cracked. "It can be hard to detect early on. I guess that's why we never knew-"

Unable to continue, she bowed her head, letting the tears fall freely as she raised one hand in a weak attempt to overcome them.

"Hey," Toby said, transferring himself to the bed as he sat on the edge of it. "Hey, it's okay, Spence. It's okay."

"Nothing is, don't you get that? Hanna's Mom is in _jail_, my mother is barely speaking to me, and one of our babies is _dead_."

A baby that they would never know, never name, never enjoy or celebrate with. A little girl or boy would be without their twin, the one person in life that they were supposed to be closest to.

"I know," Toby said, "but we've survived before, Spencer-"

"Twins can form bonds even while they're in the womb. It's like, they've been ripped apart and they haven't even been born yet."

Clasping her hand, Toby directed her gaze to his. "I promise you, with everything in me, that we will get through this _together. _And when this baby is born, we'll tell him or her how amazing their little sibling was."

Spencer's mouth curved upward into an unsure smile. "Thank you. I used to think having a sister was the coolest thing in the world. I just wanted that for my kids, you know?"

Toby nodded. "I know."

"Can you call my Mom, too?"

Toby nodded. "I can do that.

"Thanks."

Even though their relationship was strained, Spencer hoped that her mother would care enough about her to acknowledge the existence of her grandchildren-her _grandchild. _It was hard to admit that she had lost a baby that hadn't even been born yet, but by some miracle, her one remaining baby was safe.

* * *

Her sleep was restless the rest of the night. It was early morning by the time she could finally drift off to sleep. Wren or the nurses came in to check on her often, leaving her no real chance to rest.

Around lunchtime the girls came. To her relief, they had sneaked in food that would never have been on the hospital menu, and her favorite decaf drink.

"Thanks, you guys," she said, looking gratefully at them. "This is wonderful."

"Glad you like it," Aria said, rubbing her knee. "So what happened?"

Spencer sighed, placing a tendril of her hair behind her ear. "I lost a baby."

"Wait," Hanna said, "I thought you were pregnant with-"

"No," Spencer said. "There were twins. One never fully developed, and that one caused the bleeding. The other one is fine."

"Are you sure?" Emily asked.

Spencer nodded. "Positive."

The girls fell silent as they absorbed that news. Getting used to one baby had been daunting enough, but now that they knew that they could have had _two _babies to love and spoil, was something else entirely.

"Well," Hanna said, getting out her makeup kit. "We need to do _something _with those lines under your eyes."

"Oh, Han-"

"Shut up, and close your eyes."

Grudgingly complying, Spencer wondered when Toby would be back from his coffee run, (which was _really _an attempt to give the girls privacy).

"Wow," Spencer said, once she had finally been given permission to open her eyes. "You did great, Han."

"I know," she replied smugly. "But I'm glad you like it."

Spencer nodded. "I do. Have you heard anything about your Mom?"

"Her arraignment is tomorrow. Your Mom said that she was going to do everything she could to convince Judge Riley to let her out."

"That's good."

"Yeah," she replied with a watery smile.


	11. Chapter 11

"Ugh, what's _taking _so long?" Hanna groaned. "We should have heard something by now, right?"

The four girls were gathered around Spencer's kitchen, waiting for her mother to come home, hopefully with Hanna's mother in tow. Her arraignment was currently underway, and while it was the hope of everyone that she would be released, Spencer knew the odds were stacked against her.

"Just be patient," Spencer coached her. "These things take time."

If her nightmare with Toby had taught her anything, it was that the legal system routinely liked to throw curveball after curveball at them, sometimes for no good reason.

"But _this _long?"

"Yes."

"Here," Aria said, handing her a soda. "Put something in your mouth besides your mind."

Easier said than done. Spencer had enough on her mind to fill an entire ocean, but she tried to shove as much of her crap down as she could. It wouldn't do any good now.

"How have you been, Spence?" Aria asked.

It was the first real time that the girls had been together since Spencer's release from the hospital.

"Okay, I guess," she shrugged. "I'm still trying to process everything, you know?"

Aria nodded. "Of course, sweetie."

Spencer had no idea how she was supposed to process everything that had happened in the last two days-finding out about a baby she had no idea about, only to lose that baby the same night.

Even though it had never formed into an actual baby, it had been there, it had still been a living, breathing thing inside of her and she had lost it.

Angry didn't begin to cover it.

Sadness didn't begin to cover it.

But in typical Hastings fashion, she had shoved all the crap down, and had put on a brave face for Toby, who had insisted on waiting on her hand and foot, and for her friends who needed her.

"Have you even _seen _your Mom since you told her about the pregnancy?" Emily asked, calmly sitting at the island counter. "Or been back here?"

Spencer shook her head. "No, it still feels weird being here."

She hadn't been back in this house since she had told her mother about the pregnancy, the loft had become her new home base, and she honestly preferred it that way.

"I'm sure."

"How's Toby holding up?" Hanna asked, clearly searching around for a change in subject as she stared anxiously out the window.

"He's," Spencer shrugged, "he's internalizing everything, he's doing better than I am."

Toby dealt with strife in his life, either by running, like he did when Spencer found him in her kitchen, or by silently observing everything that went on.

"Has he talked to his family?" Emily asked, "I know they've been gone."

"Not that I know," Spencer said. "He doesn't have much of a relationship with them."

And that was fine with her-his parents were part of the reason that it had been so difficult for them to have a relationship in the first place.

"Hello, girls," Veronica said, choosing that moment to walk in.

"Mrs. Hastings," Hanna said, running around the counter to face her. "Where's my Mom?"

For the first time in her life, Veronica looked uncomfortable. "Honey, I'm sorry, but your mother was denied bail."

Hanna shook her head, looking incredulous. "I can't believe this. You _promised_."

"Han," Spencer said, sighing. "Bail isn't a sure thing, especially when it's a murder case."

"And there's more," Veronica said. "Hanna, they're moving your mother to the state prison in Muncy."

It was all too much for Hanna. She shoved past Spencer and slammed the door on her way outside. Spencer sighed, looking at the other two girls for support.

"How are you, Spencer?" Her mother asked, finally acknowledging her presence.

"Fine," she replied stiffly.

"I got Toby's message-"

"Then why didn't you come?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "but I'm sorry, and I'm sorry you lost your baby."

Spencer nodded, looking down at the stainless counter. "There's one more, you know."

"One more what?"

"Baby. It was twins. The other one survived."

Veronica smiled, though Spencer could tell it was forced, but at least it was shaky progress. "I'm glad."

* * *

Hanna was inconsolable the following few days. Mostly, she leaned on Caleb or the girls for emotional support. Spencer, herself, was still processing the miscarriage of one of her babies, and making decisions about college.

"Are you still going to go?" Emily asked, settling herself on the sofa in the loft.

"My professor already said that I could take most of the classes online. I'd only need to be in the city when they were teaching something hands on."

"You're lucky."

"Yeah," Spencer said with a scoff. "I know."

Bending foreword to type something into her laptop, she bit her thumb as she studied the information that she was looking at.

"Have you altered your degree at all?"

Spencer shook her head. "I still want to do psychology."

"You'd be good at it."

"Yeah," Spencer said with a rare smile. "I know."


	12. Chapter 12

"You want to _what_?" Spencer demanded incredulously, looking at Hanna as though she had lost her mind, and Spencer was seriously beginning to wonder.

"I want to confess to killing Wilden."

"Oh, Hanna," Spencer sighed in exasperation. "If you want to help your Mom, send her a gift basket, or new underwear, but don't commit to spending the rest of your life behind _bars_."

Hanna shook her head, denying what Spencer said. "No, we're beyond that. They're moving her _today_!"

"I know that, but prison for _kids_ is still prison. You won't be treated with kid gloves, not after our track record with them."

"Well," Hanna said, setting aside her chocolate pudding. "I don't see where I have another option. I can't live without my Mom, and I can't let her go down for something she didn't do."

"Are you going to eat that?" Spencer asked, eyeing the abandoned pudding.

"Knock yourself out."

"You just have to let my Mom help her," Spencer said. "She brushes her hair with these kinds of things."

Hanna shrugged. "I know."

Spencer sighed, sliding her still slender body into the stool beside Hanna. "I think that we all just need to take a breather, you know?"

"If that's even possible."

Spencer spent most of the day at Hanna's until Caleb showed up. She didn't exactly think it was a good idea for her friend to be alone at such a crucial time in her life.

She was tired, though.

She had barely slept the night before, and was anxious to get home to the loft, and chill out.

"Hey," she said, when she walked in and spotted Toby sitting on their sofa, hands clasped in front of him. "What's wrong?"

"My parents want to meet you."


	13. Chapter 13

"Your parents want to meet _me_?"

In the two years since she and Toby had entered into a relationship, she had never actually met his father and stepmother. Sure, she had heard bits and pieces about them from Toby, but had never actually laid eyes on them.

All she knew were the bad parts of them. How they had put a barrier in her relationship with Toby, how they favored Jenna over him, how they had practically disowned him after "The Jenna Thing."

"Yeah, they called and said they thought it was time."

Whatever _that _meant.

"Toby, what exactly do your parents think of _me_?"

It hadn't been too long since she, along with her friends, had confessed to blinding Jenna and framing Toby for the crime. While they had all worked on putting the incident behind them, the wound had only recently been reopened for the Cavanaugh family.

"They know that you and I are in love, that we are about to become parents, and they are _cautiously _supportive."

Spencer raised one eyebrow in question. "Is that what _they _said?"

"Yes. Spencer, all they want is for us to come over for dinner tonight, so they can meet you properly."

Spencer sighed. "Can they meet me properly _never_?"

"Spence," he said warningly. "I know what they've done, but I want us to get along with them if it's even possible."

Spencer nodded, hesitantly resigning herself to her fate as she settled herself on his lap, winding her arms around his neck. "I know, and I love that about you."

"So you'll do it?"

"Yes," she said, taking a deep breath. "If it means that much to you."

Relationships were all about compromise, and if it was that important to him that their family's might have peace, after all those years of tension, who was she to deny him that opportunity?

While meeting his parents wasn't on her bucket list, in typical Hastings fashion, she decided to buckle down and grit her teeth and get it over with.

"Thank you," he said.

By that night, she was regretting her decision to meet his family. Their shared walk-in closet housed all of her clothing, but none of it seemed "meet the parents" appropriate.

"Ugh," she said, throwing the latest castaway on the bed, the latest in a series of dresses that hadn't met her critical approval. "My wardrobe is useless."

"Can I come in?" Toby asked hesitantly, eyeing the discarded dresses and clothing. "Did our closet go through a hurricane?"

"Very funny," she said, rolling her eyes, "I can't find something to wear."

"Spence-"

"My mother _always _taught me that clothes make up for half the impression, and now I can't find anything to wear!"

Toby chuckled, he couldn't help it. "Spence, you're not going to have dinner with the president. You're going to meet my parents, who could care less what you have on."

Spencer raised her lips in an adorable pout. "Okay, if you say so."

Finally selecting a black blazer and matching jeans, she called it good and finished applying her makeup and fixing her hair.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," Toby replied.

* * *

Neither of them had been back to the house in some time. Toby, when he had packed his things and moved out, and Spencer, when she had walked in the house before she and Toby had started dating.

"We don't have to-"

"It's fine."

Squaring his shoulders, he marched up the steps with his girl in tow, and walked in without knocking. The faint aroma of a pasta that was cooking, got her attention, as well as something that smelled like rolls and some kind of meat.

"Toby," Daniel Cavanaugh said, coming out from the kitchen. "We've been expecting you."

They cordially shook hands, before Daniel turned his attention to Spencer, who he warmly embraced.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr, Cava-" she began politely, but was almost immediately cut off.

"Am I eighty? Call me Dad or Daniel, but nothing else."

"Okay," she said with a chuckle, feeling herself relax slightly, but she could tell that Toby was still on edge. "Whatever you're making, it smells delicious."

Daniel chuckled, "thank you. It's a specialty of my wife's."

With that, Daniel beckoned them into the dining room where they would be eating.

The dinner went off smoothly. Anne, Toby's stepmother, complimented Spencer on her attire, and in typical motherly fashion, fussed over the baby.

"Have you been taking any prenatal vitamins?"

Spencer nodded, looking to Toby for what she should say. He just nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. It was very clearly pleasing to him that the dinner was going off so smoothly.

"Yes, my doctor has prescribed me some."

"Good. When I was pregnant with Jenna," Anne said, oblivious to the wince that came from both Spencer and Toby, "he had me on so many it could choke a horse."

The smile Spencer produced came off tight.

"Spencer," Daniel said, "what about college? How are you going to raise a _child _when you are going to _school_?"

Toby's jaw clicked with an audible snap. Clearly, he was used to these kinds of questions from his family, and he didn't like it. "We're handling it, Dad."

"I was asking Spencer, son."

"Um," Spencer cleared her throat. "I got accepted to NYU before the pregnancy. I can still go and take my classes online."

"Did your family go to NYU?"

Spencer shook her head, distracting herself from answering the question by stabbing her fork into her food. "No, my family has gone to UPENN."

"Oh."

Spencer and Toby were both relieved when the dinner ended. It had been nice to formerly meet his family, and it had gone off (mostly) smoothly, but the stress had all been too much for her, and she wanted to go to bed.

"I'm sorry my Dad kind of ambushed you back there," Toby said, once they were safely back in the loft.

"No, it's fine," she said with a smile. "I'm glad it's over, though."

"I am, too."


	14. Chapter 14

All Spencer wanted to do was sleep in after the dinner the night before. It had gone well, but she wanted to catch up on the _zzzs _that had painfully abandoned her in her time of need.

But her temporary moment of serenity was not meant to last.

First, the construction going on next door, prohibited her from returning to her slumber, and then her phone went off. Deciding to ignore it, she simply turned over on her side, intent on forcing herself back to sleep if it was the last thing she ever did.

"Spence," Toby said, coming into the room, his work boots falling loudly across the hardwood floor. "Emily needs to talk to you," he said, holding out his phone for her to take.

Eyeing him resentfully, she took the phone and pressed it to her ear. "Is it _so _hard for a girl to get some sleep around her?"

Spencer's eyes widened to the length of saucers as she processed what Emily was saying to her.

"What is it?" Toby asked, once Spencer had hung the phone up.

"Hanna," Spencer said, shaking her head in disbelief as she looked at her boyfriend. "She just walked in and confessed to killing Wilden."

It was Toby's turn to look stunned, as he sat down on the edge of the bed, the mattress sagging under their combined weight. "She did _what_?"

Spencer nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed as she clasped her hands in front of her face. "She actually did it."

And singlehandedly destroyed her chances of college, of reliability, of even getting a future at all. One of her best friends, falling bait to A, the last position any of them wanted to be in.

"What do we do now?" Toby asked.

"Caleb and her Dad are down at the police station right now," Spencer said, getting up and throwing the first pair of clean clothes she had, on. "We have to go, too."

All the way down to the station, her mind kept replaying what Hanna had done on a loop. She knew that Hanna had planned on fishing some story to the police about her so-called "involvement" in his death, but she never banked on Hanna actually _doing _it.

Once they got there, her friends weren't hard to spot. Emily and Aria were huddled in a corner, they immediately brightened upon seeing Spencer and Toby.

"Hey," Spencer said, reaching out and giving them both a brief hug. "Where is she?"

"In an interrogation room," Aria said. "Caleb and her Dad are in there with her."

"They can't actually charge her with anything," Spencer said, "not unless they have evidence that backs up what she's saying."

"Thanks, Nancy Drew," Aria said, shaking her head. "They've been in there forever."

At that moment, the door leading to the interrogations rooms opened. A uniformed officer walked out behind Hanna, her father and Caleb.

"Are you _insane_," Spencer demanded, marching across the room to meet her.

"Save it," Hanna said. "It didn't work anyway. My mother's prints are all over the bullets."

"And we've gone over it already," her father said. "I understand why you want to help your mother, but this is not the answer."

"Like you've tried to help her," Hanna said, "you haven't even come to see her."

"Guys, not here," Caleb said, "let's just get home, okay?"


	15. Chapter 15

_Month Four_

Now that Spencer was four months into her pregnancy, she actually see evidence of her changing body. Her stomach was rounder, protruding just slightly over the low rise jeans she could still wear.

And she had to pee.

Badly.

It would happen at the most inopportune times. When she was eating, sleeping, even shopping with the girls. It was one of the unfortunate perks of pregnancy, and something she would have had to face sooner or later.

"Spence, that's your fourth apple pie," Hanna said, eyeing the pie disdainfully. "Are you going for the genius world record or something?"

"_Guinness_, Han," Spencer said, still digging into her pie. "And no, this is my second."

Insatiable hunger was also another sign of her progression pregnancy. Second and third helpings were normal now for her, as was requesting foods with odd ingredients in them, another perk.

"Whatever," Hanna said, holding her hands up. "That baby's going to come out spitting this stuff up."

Spencer shrugged. "Maybe, especially if he or she has their daddy's appetite."

They spent the next hour peaceably catching up on their lives and what was going on in them. Hanna's mother's transfer to Muncy had been delayed pending further investigation, and Aria and Emily's love lives were still on shaky, albeit steadier ground.

Spencer was relieved to be going home, though. It had been nice seeing the girls, especially since their lives had been so hectic lately, but she was tired.

Her online classes were currently in session, and while it afforded her the chance to be home more, it also meant that she would have to be in the city sometimes for in-person lectures.

Walking up the metal steps to the loft, she almost had the feeling that something was going to happen, something that she wasn't quite sure about.

Her instincts were right.

The loft was dark, illuminated only by several candles strategically placed in the shape of a heart. A tennis ball sized lump building in her throat, she glimpsed little rosebuds spread out over the couch and floor, before the candles seemed to light a path to the bedroom. A single tear sliding down her face, she walked on uneven steps down the hall and to where the candles were leading her.

"Toby," she breathed, her breath momentarily catching in her throat when she saw him standing in the center of a circle of heart shaped candles.

Without saying a word, he stepped toward her, handing her eleven red roses.

"For the month that I found my soul mate," he explained, his voice thick as he talked to her.

"You did all this?"

It was a stupid question, but the only thing that she could think of to say as she studied him.

"With some help," he said, "but yes."

"You didn't have to-"

"Before you, my life was a blur. It was a tangle of different things, of pain and of suffering. When you offered to tutor me in French, I thought there was hope, finally-"

"Toby-"

"And all throughout our relationship, through the good _and _the bad times, I never lost the feeling that you were my center, that you were the one that was grounding me to this earth. We're creating a family together now-"

"I-"

"We're finally in a good place, Spence, and that's why I want to make us a family forever."

And with that, he got down on one knee, gently took her hand in his strong one, and looked deep into her eyes. "Spencer Jill Hastings, with everything in me, I come to you with the purest of intentions, and ask, will you marry me?"

In his hand, he held out a ring. An engagement ring that was honestly the most beautiful ring that Spencer had ever seen in her life.

"Yes," she choked out, surprised that her voice still worked. "Yes, of course I'll marry you."

* * *

**A link to the candles and dress will be up soon on my profile**


	16. Chapter 16

Spencer knew that when her mother called her to the house of Hastings for a meeting, it was wise to not skip it, like she was tempted. It seemed that her mother only called her when she needed something, or when Spencer could further her agenda.

That was the extent of their relationship these days. Veronica still hadn't forgiven her for keeping the baby, and made that clear every time she saw her.

So it was with great reluctance (and resentment) that Spencer invited herself into the side door that led to the kitchen. Her mother was already there, punctual to a fault as she stared at her daughter.

"Thank you for coming, honey," Veronica said, attempting her approximation of a smile, though Spencer knew it came off forced.

"What did you want?" she asked, sliding into the seat at the island counter where Veronica was standing.

"I heard about your engagement."

Spencer couldn't help the smile that flashed across her face. It had been a few days, and she still couldn't believe the drastic turn her life had taken, and in such a short amount of time, too.

"It was...it was a surprise."

That didn't even begin to cover what that engagement meant to her, but it was the best that she could put into words.

"It was to us, too. People at the club have heard about it, and are expecting us to throw you two an engagement party."

"We don't need that-"

"Yes, you do. To keep up appearances, especially with the extended circumstances, we will arrange a party for this weekend."

Once again, even though she had long ago moved out, her mother was still calling the shots. Spencer opened her mouth once in incredulity, only to close it again for lack of better words.

"Mom-"

"Here's a guest list," Veronica began, talking over her.

"Mom," Spencer began, scanning the guest list in disbelief. "I don't know half these people, neither does Toby."

"Your father and I do."

"Mom! Is this party for me or for _you_?"

It was so typical of her family to plan something in her name, only to spin it around to be about them. She was so used to this treatment that it hardly bothered her anymore, but she still couldn't believe the nerve her mother had.

"Our friends at the club don't know about your _condition._"

"My condition?" Spencer said with a snort. "Did you tell them I ate three cheeseburgers or something? I know that you don't approve of my life choices, but those are _my _choices, not yours."

"You and Toby will both be there, and that's the end of the discussion."

"Lucky for us, we're both adults."

And with that, Spencer slid out of the chair, walked across the room and slammed the door on her way out.

* * *

Raising her voice to her mother, and refusing to partake in her phony party, Spencer knew she had committed a cardinal sin, distancing herself even further from her mother at a time when she needed her the most.

A back massage, particularly one that was done while lying in bed, was the ticket to curing her insatiable anger over her mother's games. Toby's hands moved of their own accord, working out the pressure spots, and shifting her mind into a calm, relaxed state.

"Do you want to tell me what happened with your mother?" Toby asked.

"Nothing," Spencer grumbled, rolling over onto her back. "She tried to convince me to let her throw this big party for us at the club."

Toby shook his head in amusement. "I'm sure you gave her a piece of your mind."

"As always."

"I talked to Caleb."

"What did he say?"

"Hanna's mother got bail."

"Seriously?"

Toby nodded, as he started a now familiar nightly ritual of blessing Spencer's tummy with kisses. "But it's fifty thousand dollars."


	17. Chapter 17

The night of her parent's party for her, dawned. While she resented the way it was being held, and why, she had reluctantly agreed to go. Choosing her best dress for the occasion, she slipped on a pair of pearls that her mother had given her for her sixteenth, and joined Toby in the hall outside the club.

"Am I crazy for doing this?" she asked, looking around at all the hundreds of people. "This is just for my parents. It's not actually for _me_."

"If you think it will smooth over any tension, then yes."

While she tried not to let it show, how much her feud with her mother had affected her, it still did bother her that her mother couldn't be more understanding of her feelings, couldn't just accept Spencer's feelings on the matter.

"Then let's get it over with."

Spencer tried her best to pull off the appearance. She smiled for cheesy photographs with her family, and tried to brush off how many people she saw whisper behind her back, no doubt whispering about her choice of fiancee, and her decision to start a family at only nineteen.

"I can't stand this," she said, brushing down her fourth glass of flavored water.

"Then go," Toby said firmly, "let's just go. We came, we saw, we conquered, now let's go."

Grateful for the extra shove he provided her, she quickly grabbed her coat and made a fast getaway. The night was still young, providing them with the opportunity to find some entertainment of their own.

"Someone bailed Hanna's mother out of jail," Toby said, glancing at his phone for the first time since that evening had begun.

"Who?"

"I don't know."

"Good."


	18. Chapter 18

Spencer had anticipated and dreaded this day with equal measure. The day that one of the four left the group, separated from them to start out on their own. Spencer had always assumed the role of mother hen of the group, and had dreaded seeing even one of them leave.

That day came with Emily.

Stanford had finally sent in their acceptance letter, and of course, Emily had accepted without questions asked. She, along with Paige, would be traveling across the globe to the sunshine state.

"All your bags are packed?" Spencer asked, sniffling back tears as she watched Emily load the last of her luggage into her family's vehicle.

"Yeah," Emily said, pausing to wipe some hair out of her face. "Thanks for helping."

"Yeah," Spencer said, pausing to collect herself. "No problem, Em."

She knew that none of them could stay there forever. Rosewood was a blessing and a curse rolled into one, and it was true that most of them had dreamed of the day they would finally leave that place.

But still.

The move was so final.

California.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine, it's just hard to see you go."

Pulling her in for a hug, she held on for a moment too long, before finally relenting and letting go. Emily had already said her goodbyes to the other girls, and the girls on her swim team.

"See you later, Em," Toby said, reaching out and giving her a hug. "You're going to make it back when the baby's born, right?"

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Standing back with Toby, Spencer watched as her friend's car pulled out of the driveway, down the street and out of her sight.

One of them had left the nest. It couldn't last forever, and she had known that, but even though A had been silent, none of them could be certain when a new attack would be mounted.

That was the fear.


	19. Chapter 19

Emily's departure from the group, had affected them all. It wasn't just that she was leaving to go to college, she was traveling halfway around the world to do it.

Having their numbers dwindled, was a concern for all of them.

There was strength in numbers, especially when it concerned a foe that may or may not have retired from mounting attacks on them. The lack of activity on the A front, hadn't made them feel any peace, quite the contrary.

It made them all feel on edge.

Especially now, when the stakes were so high. Ordinarily, Spencer wouldn't have been so concerned, but now that she was eating (and worrying) for two, it upped the stakes.

"Have you talked to her?" Spencer asked Aria.

"Yeah, she texted me after she and Paige got settled in their dorm."

"Oh, good."

If there was one comforting thought about Emily moving so far away from home, it was that she had Paige there to back her up in case anything came against them.

"It still makes me nervous," Aria said, absentmindedly as she carefully painted her nails. "A could use this opportunity to tear us apart again."

"Yeah, I know," Spencer said, with a roll of her eyes. "When you think about how A drove Caleb's mother into a _ditch_, just to get back at Hanna, to warn her not to tell."

A had routinely gone above and beyond the limit when it came to their attacks on the girls. It was what drove Spencer crazy, thinking about how any number of things could happen to her best friend.

"Well, at least she knows the signs," Aria pointed out. "She has the advantage there."

"Yeah."

"So what are you doing this weekend?"

"Going shopping," Spencer said with a barely concealed smile. "For the baby."

After she had passed the terrifying third month mark, she had finally decided her pregnancy was safe enough to proceed with plans for building a nursery.

"Where are you going to put the nursery?"

"There's a spare room that we're not using in the loft. Toby's going to strip it down and built it back up again."

"That will be fun."

"I know."

It was rare that she got to spend _any _quality time with the girls nowadays. Hanna and Aria were sending in college applications, and Spencer was barreling full steam ahead with her plans for the baby and her schooling.

"How are you and Jake?"

Aria shrugged one shoulder in response. "Good. We had an awkward meeting with Ezra, but it went fine."

"I hate those," Spencer said with a wince.

"Yeah, I know, but it went off fine."

"At least there's that."

Switching positions to Aria's comfy bed, Spencer relished the relief her back got from the changed position, as she laid back against the multicolored pillows.

"Sore?" Aria asked, watching Spencer carefully.

"Yeah, but it's fine if I'm off it for awhile."

"Oh. What's it feel like?" Aria asked, sitting on the edge of the bed as she gazed at her friend.

"Excuse _me_?" Spencer said with a laugh. "What does _what _feel like?"

"Being pregnant."

"Oh."

Spencer had to consider that question for a second, before she answered it. Emotionally, it felt surreal, emotionally her feelings were all over the place, the good and the bad.

Physically, she felt like a balloon had settled in her stomach, pressing down on her bladder.

"It feels...it feels indescribable, good but it's still weird, like I have a balloon pressing down on my bladder."

"Remind me to never get pregnant," Aria said with a laugh.

"Deal."

* * *

Sorting through the boxes of gifts that well-meaning people from the club had left her, Spencer had a moment to breathe, that she spent checking missed calls or messages from Toby.

He had been working at a job site all day.

Once she was through with that, she finally noticed the one thing that was out of place in the loft. A gift basket that had been discreetly on the center table, something she hadn't noticed before.

Cautiously walking toward the strange new thing, she reached for the card that was attached to the basket.

With trembling fingers, she slipped her finger under the envelope and read:

_Better be careful, Spence, there is strength in numbers. In the meantime, enjoy my gifts-A_

Disgusted, she threw the card away, along with the gift basket.


	20. Chapter 20

_Month Five _

Spencer knew it wouldn't have lasted, that the radio silence from A would last, and the girls would be allowed to live their lives in peace. A would, naturally, take every opportunity to keep them on their feet, even if it meant putting her baby at risk.

It was just like A to strike when their guard was down, when things were finally moving toward a peaceful resolution. It had been extremely disappointing to find the note and the gift basket.

But today, of all days, she was determined to shove it into the back of her mind, locking it up safe and tight until she could deal with it later.

Today, she and Toby were visiting various stores, trying to shop for items for their nursery, which was a work in progress. Toby, who had been meticulously planning the design of the nursery, wanted to purchase paint cans, and flooring.

Spencer wanted to look at baby cribs and other personal little accessories for their baby's room. She didn't want to go overboard, but she wanted it to be a reflection of her love for this baby, and what this baby meant to her.

"Spence, what kind of flooring do you want me to install?"

Brought out of her maze of thoughts, Spencer looked at the selection that Toby was pointing at. The hardwood floor he was eyeing, matched the design of the rest of the loft, but it still made her nervous.

"Is it really _safe _to have hardwood flooring in an infant's room?"

Carpet was more her style, at least until the baby was old enough to walk without falling over themselves, that is. The last thing she needed was to be awoken in the middle of the night because their baby had fallen and hit their head.

"I've installed this kind of flooring before in other people's houses, and they never had a problem with it."

Spencer bit her lips in uncertainty. The risk of safety, versus having the security of knowing that their baby was safe.

"I'm sure the ratio of children falling on the hardwood vs the carpet, is significantly higher," she pointed out, her highly accomplished brain already working out the possible kinks to the idea.

Toby chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Okay, Spence, if you would feel safer getting the carpet, then that's what we'll do."

"Thank you."

While he placed the order for the carpet up front, Spencer took her time browsing the different crib styles, not to mention the dressers and other baby furniture that they would need for their little one.

"What do you think of this crib?" She asked, once he had returned to her side.

Toby looked at the crib that she was pointing at, and began a methodical search of its inner workings, making sure that it exceeded their safety standards for their baby.

"I don't see anything wrong with it," he said, once he was finished.

"Is it sturdy?"

"Yes."

Still not convinced, she bit down on her thumb as she considered her precarious predicament. "Would you feel safe buying this crib, knowing that your son or daughter will be sleeping in it?"

Faced with that prospective, Toby paused, before answering. "Maybe I should just get the supplies needed and build one myself."

Spencer smiled. "Really?"

"Really," he affirmed.

The only furniture pieces they bought for the nursery, was a rocking chair, dresser and a changing table. Satisfied with their purchases, they left the shop hand-in-hand.

* * *

"Wow," Aria said, as she observed the new additions to the loft. "When did you guys get all this?"

"The other day."

"How is the nursery coming along?"

"Come and see," Spencer said, with a grimace.

Leading her down the hall, and to the room at the end, she paused before turning the doorhandle. Inside, the once empty room, was now a cluttered nightmare of stripped walls, and ripped up flooring.

"Wow," Aria said, poking her head inside. "And you're sure he knows what he's doing?"

"Are you judging my man's construction skills?" Spencer demanded teasingly.

"No, not at all."

"You better not."


	21. Chapter 21

Today was a special day, one that Spencer had anticipated greatly since she had found out about her pregnancy.

Finding out the sex of their baby.

She had waited five, agonizing months to make that crucial doctor's appointment. It hadn't been a question in either of their minds that they wanted to know, wanted to more adequately prepare for their baby's arrival.

Balancing a months old magazine on her trembling knee, she looked over at Toby, who was anxiously counting down the minutes on his watch.

It seemed as though they had been waiting in that stuffy waiting room for a hundred years, even though in reality, it had probably been closer to twenty or so minutes.

"Are you okay?" Toby asked, looking over at her as he squeezed her knee comfortingly.

"Yeah," Spencer nodded. "Just nervous."

Toby nodded in sympathy-he knew _exactly _how she was feeling.

Thankfully, and to their relief, they didn't have to wait much longer before the nurse came out, leading them back into the privacy of the office.

Then the waiting began again.

Though luckily, they didn't have to wait nearly as long this time. The doctor went through her usual routine of performing a protective ultrasound to check on the baby's general health, before she turned to Spencer and Toby.

"Do you want to know the sex?"

Spencer looked at Toby, who nodded encouragingly at her, squeezing her hand. They had waited for this moment for so long, and were so excited to go back and share their news with their friends.

"Yes," Spencer nodded, "we do."

It stung that she didn't have her mother to share in this experience with, but her mother had made her choices regarding her relationship with her daughter, and Spencer tried to find a shred of comfort in that.

As the doctor moved the cold wand around Spencer's stomach, she looked at Toby in anxious excitement. Once the doctor had told them the news, it was a mixture of relief and happiness that they felt, as they walked out of the office, with a noticeable sprint in their step.

* * *

Since sharing the news with her family, was out of the question, they made the decision to stop by his parents house. Relations with them had been steadily improving, and they both wanted that to continue.

"Toby," Daniel said, once they had knocked and he had answered. "Spencer, this is a surprise."

"Sorry for stopping by on such short notice," Spencer apologized, "but we have some news that we thought we'd share with you."

"No worries," Daniel said, "come on in. Now, what's this news of yours?"

Spencer smiled, as she took a seat on the sofa next to Toby, as she faced his stepmother and father. "We found out the sex of the baby."

"Did you?" Anne said, exchanging a smile with her husband. "What is it?"

"Don't keep us in suspense, you two," Daniel joked.

"We're having a girl."


	22. Chapter 22

The hammering and drilling woke her up. Confused for only a split second, Spencer hesitantly crawled out of bed, intent on investigating the source of the earsplitting noise.

Much to her relief, the noise was coming from the nursery. Annoyed at the early wakeup call, she tried to suppress her feelings, and instead plastered a pleasantly confused smile on her face.

"What are you doing?"

"Putting the carpeting down." Toby said, looking at her apologetically. "Sorry for waking you up."

"No, I was up," she lied, not wanting to make him feel bad. "It looks great, Tobes."

"Not yet, but it'll get there."

Ever since he had acquired the tools necessary to build the nursery, the project had become his full-time job. When he came home nights, he would immediately get to work on it, reminding Spencer that they didn't have much time.

"Well, it looks _amazing_," she said, wrapping her arms securely around his neck.

"Thanks."

Even though she was grateful for the passion he had put into _their _project, as he called it, the noise still drove her insane, and so she decided to crash temporarily at Hanna's.

The two hadn't talked much since Emily had left, and they were in desperate need of girl time.

"How's your Mom doing?"

Hanna shrugged, as she poured them each a flavored water. "Good, I mean, she doesn't have your Mom as an attorney anymore."

"Why not?" Spencer asked, arching an eyebrow in question.

Hanna looked disgusted as she shredded some lettuce for their lunch. "Mona playing new games with us. She made your Mom look _really _bad, and she had recuse herself."

Spencer shook her head, as she reached over and rubbed her friend's arm. "I'm sorry, Han."

"Thanks. Now she has to go shopping for a new attorney, one that won't even know her, won't even care about her like your Mom did."

"It will work out."

It was all the comfort that Spencer could offer-while Mona hadn't been a threat in awhile, it was clear that her days as A's lapdog, were far from over.

"Oh," Hanna said, handing her a letter. "This came to your house the other day. Your Mom wanted me to give it to you."

"I thought I had all my mail sent over to the loft..."

"Apparently not."

Taking the letter, she saw the official seal for UPENN. Her confusion deepening, she ripped open the rest of the letter, her heart pounding in her chest.

_Dear Miss Hastings, _

_It is our pleasure to inform you that you have been accepted to our law division at our University, beginning this fall._

_We look foreword to having you._

Her palms slick with sweat, she passed the letter to Hanna.

"Did A send this? Or did A send the rejection one?" Spencer asked, her hopes getting the best of themselves.

"Call," Hanna suggested. "You have nothing to lose."


	23. Chapter 23

Was it possible that after all this time, her real and authentic college acceptance letter had finally come? The letter had been dated only a few days prior, and was a replica of the rejection letter she had been sent.

Her nerves were too shot to call and confirm the authenticity of it-instead, she buckled up and visited the UPENN campus herself, seeking anyone that would confirm the letter was _really _real.

"Come on in," the admissions director said, ushering her into his cozy office. Personal pictures of his family lined the walls, including pictures of his wife and children, she assumed to be his.

"Thank you," Spencer said politely.

"So," he said, folding his hands in front of him. "What can we do for you, Miss Hastings?"

Spencer paused, before digging in her pocket for the acceptance letter. Lying it down on the table, she slid it across to him. "I got a letter exactly like this a few months ago, only it was a rejection letter."

Picking up the letter, the director scanned through its contents, before giving it back to her. "This _is _the real one."

"So I _did _get in?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "Who would want to mess with you like that, giving you a fake letter?"

Spencer smiled darkly, shaking her head. "I've been the victim of...cruel pranks in the past, and this is just another one of them."

The director looked at her in incredulity. "A prank that would potentially mess with your life here as a student?"

Spencer laughed. "Oh, yeah, especially if it will be something that I really want."

"If you want to proceed with attending this school, I can offer you campus security to escort you to your vehicle each night."

Spencer shook her head, the stubborn, independent streak already kicking in. "No, thank you. All I needed to hear was that I really got in."

He smiled gently. "You did, thank you for visiting us today."

"Thank _you _for clearing it up."

Standing up, she shook his hand, before walking out of his office.

"So what does that mean?" Toby asked, watching as Spencer finished the inevitable call with her NYU professors, telling them she wouldn't be back.

"That A really got me good this time," she said, shaking her head. "I thought I got rejected, and I really got in."

A's torture had been extended so far, she was surprised she hadn't thought of it before, but at the time, her mind had been reeling from the rejection that she hadn't thought of it.

But now things were back to the way they were supposed to be-academically _and _personally.


	24. Chapter 24

Things had gotten easier-ever since Spencer had discovered the truth about her missing college acceptance letter. It was far easier making the commute to UPENN than it would have been making the trip to and from NYU.

The workload was hard-her psychology courses ran in the afternoon to sometimes late at night, depending on the class size and what the subject of the day was.

Oftentimes, she would fall asleep on the dining room table, her textbooks serving as a temporary pillow under her head, and she would wake up tucked securely in their bed, Toby obviously having moved her in the night.

"_Spence_," Toby said, sounding exasperated, which was rare for the usually levelheaded carpenter. "Do you realize that you've been studying for _three hours_?"

It was a quiz-she hated those. She had been studying the answers, making sure she had the right ones to advance further in her class. The exams were due at the end of the week, and she had already fallen behind.

"I know, but if I ace these tests, then I can move further up ahead in the class. I _have _to study right now."

As much as she hated doing it. It was rare that they got to spend an evening uninterrupted without something or _someone _bothering them.

"Well," he said, placing a steaming plate of pasta in front of her face. "Will you at least come up for air in order to eat some dinner I made for you?"

Even though it was tempting to fulfill her scholastic obligations first, the tempting aroma of the food, proved to be too powerful, as she inhaled the entire plate in less than a minute.

"Thank you," she said, her lips forming into a pout as she met his lips for a kiss. "We really enjoyed it," she said, her eyes turning downward to her stomach.

"I'm glad," he whispered, against her lips.

Even though he had succeeded in getting her to give up her studying for the moment, he knew that it would only be a matter of time before she succumbed to the familiar urges.

"How's the nursery?"

"Do you want to come see?"

Nodding, she hopped off the bar stool and practically skipped down the hall, which was no easy feat because of her rapidly expanding size.

"Wow," she whispered, once he had opened the closed door.

The room had been transformed from a storage room, to a pure white carpeted room, the walls were painted a faint pink, and the crib he had promised to build, was near completion.

"The only thing we have to do now is put up the furniture," he said, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Everything else is complete."

"Because of you."


	25. Chapter 25

_Month Six_

Spencer had finally given in, and finally browsed the maternity section of one of her favorite stores, finally purchasing several sets of shirts and dresses that, by some miracle, matched her tastes perfectly.

Trying them on was another matter altogether-she had heeded the nudging of her stubborn body, but it didn't mean that she _wouldn't _go down without a fight.

The shirt was fitted to her rapidly expanding belly, and looked good on her, but she had had the goal of staying in her normal, everyday clothing.

Distraught, but not entirely down, she continued with her shopping, picking out several cosmetics items that she had been eyeing, and called it good.

Of course when she returned to the loft, Hanna and Aria insisted on Spencer modeling the new clothes for them. They had been the ones to initially suggest she start paying more attention to how she looked.

"You look _gorgeous_," Hanna said, "how do you feel?"

"Like a dolphin on display," Spencer grumbled, flashing a sassy pose, before sitting back down on the couch where she was more comfortable.

"Are you still doing your prenatal yoga classes?"

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Of _course_, Hanna."

The second she had found out she was pregnant, she had scoured the internet, looking for safe ways to exercise her body while she was pregnant, and that had been one of the first things that had come up.

"What about your classes?" Aria asked, chewing idly on her thumb nail.

"Going good. The admissions director still can't believe that anyone would play a prank on me like that, but I told him I was used to it."

Hanna shook her head in disgust. "A actually tried to mess with your _education_."

"I guess we can be lucky," Spencer said, "A's messed with a _lot _worse before."

No one had an argument for that, as they settled in to watch a movie together-some romantic comedy that they had never seen before, but out of boredom, had decided to give it a shot.

They soon fell asleep, their minds and stomachs full from the mindless drama on the movie, and the root beer floats they had inhaled as part of their party.

The next day, she awoke with a searing stomachache. Those kinds of pains weren't unusual, she had suffered through mild cramping when her pregnancy had been in its very early stages, but nothing like this.

Struggling up, she made her way to the kitchen where she poured herself a glass of water, trying to hydrate herself as much as possible.

"Everything okay?" Toby asked, coming out from their bedroom, already dressed for work, toolbag in hand.

"I...I don't know," she answered honestly, trying not to scare him, but also knowing that she didn't know what she was dealing with.

"What do you mean?"

"My stomach hurts, a lot."

Dropping his bag, he crossed the room to where she stood, and caressed her forehead with his hand. "You feel a little warm."

Spencer hated feeling uncertain-being certain of all things, was how she felt comfortable, how she felt secure. Not knowing the outcome of something, was extremely stressing to her.

"What do you think it is?"

He shook his head, "I don't know."

"Do you think we should go to the hospital?"

She didn't like jumping the gun on something like that, but when she factored in the health of her baby, she knew that she didn't want to take any chances.

"Yes," he finally said.


	26. Chapter 26

Once they got to the hospital, the process was fairly quick. They hooked Spencer up to IV's, and wheeled in the portable ultrasound.

"The baby looks healthy," the on-call doctor announced. "I see nothing to suggest that she is in distress."

Spencer nodded, looking at Toby as they breathed a collective sigh of relief. The health of their baby had been of utmost importance to them.

While Toby worried over both of their well being, Spencer only had one thought and that was for her baby's safety.

"So everything is fine?" Toby ventured.

"Not quite-your blood pressure levels are abnormally high." 

Spencer's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as she exchanged wary looks with Toby. "What does that mean?"

"Well, nothing right now, but we need to keep an eye on it for a few hours, see if anything changes."

The doctor wasn't mentioning something, and she knew it, but there was only so much bad news she could bear, so she kept her questions to herself.

"What about the stomach cramps?" Toby asked, intertwining he and Spencer's hands together.

"Those can be from anything, but they don't pose a danger to the baby."

Spencer nodded. "Thank you."

The next few hours passed in a quiet blur, as she tried to catch up on the sleep that had abandoned her during the last day or so. Toby had settled himself in the recliner next to her bed, and had started making one of several calls to their mutual friends.

When the doctor came back in around dinner time to check her blood pressure again, she could see the way his mouth pulled together in a tight line, could see the crease of his eyebrows as they pulled together, and she knew it wasn't good.

"We have a situation."

"What?" Spencer asked, surprised at how weak and uncertain her voice sounded.

"Your BP levels haven't gone down-they've gone _up._"

Spencer's mouth felt dry as she addressed the doctor, her heart hammering wildly in her chest. "What-what does that mean?"

The doctor bowed his head, looking increasingly uncomfortable as he addressed the young couple. "Right now, we're all but certain that what you're suffering from is a condition called preeclampsia."

Spencer had heard that word spoken before. It was a condition that afflicted pregnant women, the symptoms included a dangerous spike in blood pressure, and severe abdominal cramping, like she had had.

"What does that mean for us?"

"Right now, your levels are so high that you're in stroke range right now."

Tears were blinding both she and Toby's eyes as they struggled just to focus on the doctor as he spoke.

"What can we do?" Toby asked, his voice unusually stiff as he squeezed Spencer's hand.

"The only treatment that we know of for this condition, is ending the pregnancy."

"Delivering the baby?"

"Yes."

Spencer shook her head.

This couldn't be happening-it just couldn't.

She was only six months into the pregnancy, more than three months away from her due date. Would a baby that tiny even survive outside of the womb?

Tears stained her cheeks, as she choked back a sob. "What about the baby? Can the baby survive so early outside of the womb?"

"I have had very successful outcomes, but there aren't promises, especially when you're dealing with a baby that premature, but at this point we have no other option."

"Can we wait this out?" Toby asked.

The subtle shake of the doctor's head, was all the confirmation that Spencer needed to know that this was the real thing, but he further elaborated.

"If we wait this out," he explained, "it could take out both of you."

Spencer shook her head, trying to deny the severity of what was happening. It was a devastating diagnosis. It wasn't herself she was worried about, it was the health of her baby, and how she could possibly survive outside of the womb this early.

"Then do it," she said. "If you're telling me that we don't have a plan B, then do it."

"Okay," he nodded. "We can have you prepped and in the OR in just a few minutes."

With that, he left them.

"Toby," Spencer cried, "why is this happening?"

"I don't know," he said, his voice broken, "but I know that I can't lose you, or our daughter. If this is the only solution, then we have to trust that it will turn out okay."

They didn't have much time to talk after that-a team of nurses had come in to prep her for the emergency C-Section. It had happened in a matter of only minutes, and soon Spencer had found herself being wheeled into the OR.


	27. Chapter 27

They had prepped her in a matter of only minutes-it was that fast. A light sedative had been given to her intravenously, her arms lighted tied down.

Normally, that kind of restraint would have terrified her, but with the sedative she didn't even care. Her only concern was for her baby. Her eyes, drowsy and unfocused from the drug, searched out Toby, not being able to feel comfortable until he was in her sight.

When he stepped into her line of vision, and sat down on the stool the doctors had provided for him, she felt herself relax, even slightly. Even though she couldn't move her hand to reach for his, he did it for her, grasping her hand tightly, comfortingly.

"In a minute we're going to be meeting our baby girl," Toby whispered, using his fingers to tenderly brush her hair to the side, anything to keep her calm.

"It's too soon for her," Spencer whispered.

"She'll be okay, honey, those doctors will make sure of it."

Those words did little to comfort her-especially when she knew that modern medicine could only go so far, especially with a life that tiny being born into the world.

"I hope you're right."

The operation began, then. Her entire body felt numb from the medicine she had been given. The only sensation she could process, was intense pressure as the doctors cut into her stomach, trying to reach her baby.

"It's okay, Spence," Toby whispered, running his hand through her hair. "Breathe, sweetie, you're doing great."

His voice, usually so melodic and soothing to her, was the only source of comfort and strength that she had at that moment, as she clung to his hand like a vice.

"It hurts," she choked, "it hurts, Toby."

"We're almost there, Spencer," her doctor said. "Just a few more minutes and we'll get you feeling better."

His words did little to comfort her when she was in the moment, when her entire body hurt from the pressure. Her nerves did little to soothe her, as she tried inhaling and exhaling like she had been taught.

"Toby-" Her mouth felt dry as she tried to absorb any moisture to give her some relief.

"I know," he said, "hang in there for another few minutes. We're almost there."

Spencer nodded, hoping he was telling her the truth and not just trying to make her feel better. Having this baby was the last thing she expected when she first walked into the hospital that afternoon.

Now it had all come full circle, and she couldn't be anymore scared if she tried.

"Here she comes," the doctor said.

Toby momentarily left her side to peek over the curtain they had laid across Spencer, to catch a first glimpse at their daughter, someone who wasn't planned, but had quickly gained her parent's adoration and love.

Spencer had no idea what was happening, had no idea if the baby was out or not, but all that she was aware of, was that she couldn't hear her baby crying, and it terrified her to her core.

The sound that she had been longing to hear, filled the cramped room. Her baby's first cries had to be the most beautiful sounds that she had ever heard in her life. It erased all the fear and uncertainty that had filled her the last several hours.

She was a mom.

Three months early, but she was a mother.

Her baby's wellbeing laid in her hands, and the doctor's.

"She's beautiful, Spence," Toby said, his own voice choked, as he glimpsed his daughter for the first time. "She's beautiful."

* * *

Spencer had been wheeled into recover after they had finished stitching and cleaning her up after the C-section. Toby had been allowed to stay behind and see their baby up close for the first time.

Waiting for him to come back and give her an idea of what their baby looked like, was hell for her, but she gritted her teeth and dealt with it as best she could.

"Toby," she said, when he finally stepped into her recovery room. "Is she okay?"

She knew from the look on his face that it was bad-but how bad, she didn't know.

"Her uh, her breathing isn't good," he said, bending down to sit next to her, as he took her hand in his. "They're having to put a tube down her throat to help her."

And with that, she laid her head on his chest, and they both gave themselves over to the tears that had been plaguing them ever since this ordeal had began.

She wasn't sure how long their tears lasted, but by the time they ceased, she was exhausted, and gratefully sank into peaceful oblivion.


	28. Chapter 28

Spencer and Toby weren't allowed to hold the baby while she was hooked on to the ventilator, her lungs being far too weak to pass air on their own. It was agonizing not being able to comfort her, not being able to have physical contact with her.

The frustration that Spencer felt was reminiscent of when Toby was in jail, and their visits had been strictly monitored. But, typical Hastings fashion, she tried to hold her head high, as she made the best out of the situation.

Once she had had a full night of rest, she had been permitted by her doctors to travel to the NICU where her precious angel was, and peer in at her while she laid in her isolette.

Having a child in the NICU was a horrific thought to contemplate. Never, in her long list of things that could go wrong, did she consider this possibility.

"Hi," she said, looking in on the baby. "It's Mommy, it's Mommy."

Her baby's little chest rose and fell steadily. The ventilator had been removed, and oxygen prongs in her nose, replaced it. It was a comforting sight, but they weren't naive enough to think they were out of the woods.

They were far from it, and they knew it.

"She's beautiful," Toby whispered, reaching his hand through the small, circular opening in the isolette, and laying his finger on her tiny, open palm.

"Like you," Spencer said, allowing a rare smile to grace her features.

"I was about to say that about you," Toby said, following Spencer's smile with one of his own. "We're _parents_," he said incredulously.

"How did this happen?" she asked, laughing weakly.

"I figure the usual way."

Shaking her head in amusement, she pressed a kiss to her palm, before pressing it to the glass. Even though she doubted her daughter would recognize the movement, she hoped that she could feel her parent's love.

It had been a full twenty-four hours since the birth, and while she missed her friends, she was grateful that they had granted she and Toby their space before descending on the hospital.

"How are you feeling?" Aria asked gently, cradling a fluffy, pink teddy bear. "I figured you guys could use some company."

Spencer smiled, her first genuine one in days. "Thanks, he's really cute."

"I think it's a girl," Hanna offered, "just saying."

"Thanks, Han," Spencer said, not feeling the energy to be annoyed at her friend like she normally would have.

"How is she doing?"

"Good-she was on the vent for a few hours, but they took her off of it because her levels were going up."

"Good!" Aria said bracingly, "that's good, right?"

Spencer nodded, taking a deep breath. "Best case scenario, but we're not out of the woods yet, far from it."

Being the studious nerd that she was, she had looked up everything she could find about micro-preemies, which was her baby was, and the statistics were frightening.

Developmental difficulties.

Deafness.

Blindness.

The possibilities were too horrifying-eventually, she couldn't continue reading the websites, they only served to remind her of what they were facing.

"Can we see her?"

"Yeah."

The doctors had, reluctantly, taken her off of bed rest. It was only a matter of days before she would be able to go home, but when her baby would be released, was another question altogether.

Walking down the hallway toward the NICU, Spencer was relieved that she had her friends with her. Was relieved that she had their support back in her life.

"Here she is."

Standing back, she allowed her friends to step closer to the isolette. It was too much for both of them, seeing that tiny baby hooked up to so many tubes and wires.

Aria had tears streaming down her face, as she tried halfheartedly to wipe them away. Hanna, usually the upbeat and hilarious one, had her hand up to her mouth in astonishment.

"She's so tiny," Aria whispered brokenly.

"But she's big," Spencer said. "She's a fighter."

"Just like her Mom and Dad," Hanna said, speaking for the first time. "What's her name?"

"I don't know-we haven't decided yet. We've been throwing around a couple, but nothing's stuck yet."

They wanted it to be unique-something original, something that held meaning to both of them. It was hard to know what the right name was, especially when their hearts and souls were overwhelmed with the sheer surreality of everything that happened.

"Well, she's a miracle," Aria said.

"Yeah, she is."


	29. Chapter 29

Spencer was finally allowed to hold her baby nearly two days after her birth. Her baby had been kept safe in her isolette, which allowed her to have oxygen, as well as be in a controlled, tempered setting.

Being allowed to finally have any meaningful physical contact with her, was the one thing that she had longed for since she had been born.

Sitting in a rocking chair in the NICU, she watched as the head nurse carefully slid the tiny newborn into her arms, before bending down and carefully depositing her into her mother's eager arms.

Her maternal instincts had kicked in almost as soon as she had been handed her-it wasn't hard to figure out how she should hold her, and how tightly. It came naturally to her, almost like breathing.

Stroking her dark hair, Spencer marveled at the small being that she and Toby had created. Not planned, but born absolutely out of love and adoration.

Everything else melted away-the doctors and other infants in the room. All it was, was she, Toby and their baby, as they indulged in that moment.

"She looks like you," Toby said, crouching down next to the chair, as he laid his hand across the baby, letting Spencer have her moment holding her.

"She has your mouth," Spencer said, brushing her finger across her face.

"Her head's big, she must have your brain."

Spencer shook her head in amusement, before lightly slapping him in the arm. "You're mean."

"You're beautiful."

They were far from out of the woods with her. She was far too delicate to be released from the hospital, but it was a start, and that was something.

It almost hurt to hand her back to the nurse, but they were still concerned about spreading germs, that was why she and Toby both had to wear gowns when they were around her.

Spencer had been toying around with names ever since she had first seen her, but now that she had had the chance to hold her and see a glimpse of her angelic personality, it was becoming easier.

"What about the first name being in honor of your mother?" she asked.

Toby nodded thoughtfully. "I like it. What about a middle name?" he asked, trailing kisses down her arm.

"What about Marion Aubrey?"

Toby nodded. "I like it. It fits her."

"Aubrey means noble," Spencer said, "she's brave, noble."

"That fits."

Spencer nodded. "I asked the doctor about breastfeeding her."

"What did he say?"

"They're going to try it tomorrow, but they're hesitant about taking her off the tube feeding because of how sensitive she still is."

Naturally, Spencer had wanted to breastfeed her daughter, especially with how it was supposed to enhance the mother and daughter bond from the beginning.

The last thing she wanted was to have a relationship with her daughter, like the one she had with her mother. It was a terrible fear of hers, and something she had worked hard to overcome.

"I'm sure that it will be fine," Toby said reassuringly. "My boss is giving me more time off," he said, placing his phone back in his pocket. "Once I explained the circumstances."

"Good."

* * *

Her mother and father surprised her the next morning, by coming and visiting her. There had been radio silence from both of her parents since Marion's birth, and while it hadn't been surprising, it had still hurt.

"Hey, champ," her father said, leaning over and kissing her forehead. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," she replied tersely, still not sure why they were here.

"We're sorry," Veronica said, "for not coming when you needed us-"

"I'm used to it."

"How is she?"

"Good."

Veronica sighed, clearly uncomfortable. "Can we see her?"

Spencer nodded, "yeah."

Swinging herself off her hospital bed, she guided her parents down the hall to the NICU. Handing them the gowns they had to don, she gently opened the side of the isolette, and followed the procedure that had been taught to her by the nurses.

"Okay, you better sit down or something," Spencer said, carefully cradling the baby in her arms.

Once they were both seated, she cautiously shifted her baby to her mother's waiting arms.

It was bittersweet, watching her parents interact with their first grandchild. She knew how they felt about she and Toby, and what they must think of Marion, but the fact that they had walked into the hospital, under their own free will, was a start.


	30. Chapter 30

_Month Seven_

Today was a momentous occasion-the day that Spencer and Marion were finally cleared by their doctors to attempt breastfeeding. It hadn't been a smooth road: Marion had been confined to tube feedings only, the doctors being still concerned about the passing of germs.

But today, nearly a week after her unplanned arrival, they had finally decided that she was strong enough to endure it. Spencer had been visited by an instructor, who had calmly guided her through the initial steps of obtaining breast milk using the pumps, and what times would be ideal for it.

"Don't be discouraged," she warned, "if the baby doesn't take to it immediately-she will."

Spencer nodded.

Of course, being the kind of girl she was, she had instantly absorbed every inch of info she could on breastfeeding, and had read that sometimes it took time before the baby felt comfortable enough to feed that way.

"Will she know to?"

Was there some secret that she didn't know? Was there some way to make the baby latch on?

"It will come by instinct. It's something very natural and soothing to the baby."

That made her feel better-she could imagine deriving the same sort of pleasure from the experience, not to mention the unmeasurable feelings of bond that went with that experience.

It had haunted her from the moment she had discovered the pregnancy-she _didn't _want to have a relationship with her daughter, like she had with her mother. She refused to have that same, depressing outcome.

It wasn't even an option.

"You _both _will do great," Toby said reassuringly, as a nurse brought the baby in, and handed her over to her mother.

"I hope so."

Failing at this wasn't option. Smiling down at her baby, she cradled her against her breast, waiting for the moment when she would recognize it as a source of nourishment.

Pawing blindly at her breast, the baby mewed like a kitten searching for food, before seeming to get the message, and uncertainly started sucking on her breast.

Her blue eyes open wide with drowsy wonder, she suckled contentedly.

It hurt at first-but excitement over the victory quickly trumped any discomfort. Looking at Toby with thinly veiled excitement, she bent down, carefully kissing the crown of her head.

"I can't believe this," she whispered, looking at Toby. "She's actually doing it."

Feeling like the proud mother she was over her daughter's milestone, she awkwardly snapped a picture of the event, before looking down at her miracle once again.

"How are you feeling?" Toby prompted.

"Incredible. I feel incredible."

If only it could have lasted longer-her oxygen levels, plus her thirty-ounce weight, were still topics of grave concern with the doctors, but it was a shaky start in the right direction.

Spencer's release from the hospital came later that evening. Her own health had been improving in leaps and bounds, and the only pain remaining was the one from her surgery.

Leaving the baby was painful, especially when she looked at how frail and vulnerable she looked, but she also trusted implicitly the people that were in charge of her care.

Plus, she knew it would do her wonders to sleep in her own bed, and not in the uncomfortable, hot hospital bed.


	31. Chapter 31

Little Marion was improving by leaps and bounds. Her weight gain had improved from a pitiful thirty ounces, to a pound and then three pounds. Her doctors wanted her to be at least seven, before they released her from the NICU.

Another improvement was her oxygen levels. Previously, she had been confined to a oxygen controlled isolette, now she had graduated from that, and had been placed in a normal infant bed.

The turnaround was remarkable considering that only weeks ago, they were fearful of her life. Even though the doctors swore up and down that it was gas, Spencer caught her smiling up at her a few times while she feeding her.

Little moments, little milestones like that, gave her hope for the future. Things had been so uncertain that it was nice to get some normalcy.

Spencer had also been visiting her in the hospital every day of the world-making sure that their bond wasn't lost. It had been hard living away from her, but she knew that it was for the best in the long run.

Finally, the doctors deemed her healthy enough to be able to accept more visitors. Aria and Hanna had begged to be allowed to hold her, and now the day had come when that dream could be a reality.

Leading them down the hall toward the NICU, she smiled, before gently extracting her baby from her bed. "Be careful," she warned automatically.

"Duh," Hanna said, rolling her eyes. "She's cute, Spence."

"I think she likes you," Aria said, peeking over Hanna's shoulder.


	32. Chapter 32

Nearly two months after her untimely arrival, the day finally came that Marion was allowed to go home. Over the last two months, the doctors had worked hard on weaning her off the oxygen that had sustained her, and had finally achieved victory.

Her weight also saw a marked improvement-with it being the required seven pounds to go home. Her lungs had also improved. It was a miracle, and they both knew that.

Now that they were well and truly on their own with her, the reality that they were parents was finally beginning to settle in. Toby had already bought and installed her car seat, a prerequisite if they wanted to take her.

As the doctors watched as Spencer carefully picked her little girl up in her arms, and gently settled her in her car seat, the first dredges of terror were beginning to present themselves.

The weather was nice, as they carried her out. Maybe it was a sign of better days to come, as Spencer climbed in next to her, laying a protective arm over the car seat as Toby started the drive.

"Can you believe we're on our own know?" Spencer asked, shaking her head in disbelief.

"No," Toby said from the front. "It's crazy, it really is." 

The uncertainty of it was worth it for them to have their daughter safe and healthy in their arms, in their lives. As if sensing her parents enthusiasm over her homecoming, she graced her Mommy with a smile.

"She looks like you when she smiles,"Spencer noted.

"That's funny-I assumed she looked like you."

Spencer shook her head. "No, she takes after her Daddy, and luckily so."

Even though Marion had inherited many of Spencer's physical traits, her smile and demeanor was all Toby. It was nice, having a piece of both of them implanted in her.

As they pulled up to the loft, Spencer let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, and gratefully handed her over to Toby, who carefully carried her up the steps.

"This is your house," Toby said, showing her around the open space, before leading her down the hall to her nursery. "This is your room, but for awhile, you'll be sleeping in our room."

Before her homecoming, Spencer had gone and purchased a bassinet to place in their bedroom. It made her feel safer, especially with all the unseen threats that were out there.

"I think she likes it," Spencer said, appearing at their side.

"I think so, too."


End file.
